The Cover Up

Tony Bliar: "Listen, Mr Putin, this isn't acceptable. You can't just go around putting government-listed radioactive toxins in people's food just because they work for the opposition. Especially not in the UK. That's not how we do things."

Putin: "Can't you just say that he choked on a chicken bone?"

Bliar: "It's all over the press already - a man decaying from radiation sickness in our hospital, guarded by KGB bully-boys and declaring how he is a poisoned Russian spy. Furthermore, they actually found traces of radioactive toxin at the restaurant AND at the poisoner's hideout. You'll have to come up with something else."

Putin: "What about ten million barrels of Ukranian crude?"

Bliar: "Is that a bribe?"
...

Monday's papers...
"Russian spy dies of chicken-marrow poisoning - French boycott UK chickens in radioactive battery-farm scare".

'Everyone knows you MUST cook chicken thoroughly to remove all radioactive isotopes.' said newly-appointed British Agriculture minister Ivan Kebchenokov.

Tuesday's papers...
"I was a patsy for a cover-up" says disgraced sushi chef.

The chef of the Sushi Bar, Kung Ho Chi, has been dismissed for the chicken-bone incident. "Sushi is a study of food untainted by heat." said classicly-trained Chi. "Where the hell does chicken fit into that Category?"

He was urged by his replacement lawyer, Vladimir Cholnitzko, to "please be qviet."

Wednesday's papers...
"Chef found dead behind dustbins." Government to launch enquiry into how three bullets, a cyanide capsule and a russian-made dagger made it into a BLT sandwich.

"This highlights the dangers of fast food." said new health minister, Olga Rachmaninov.