Funny

Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. They are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.

(P)=Problem, (S)=Solution

(P) Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tyre

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction lock cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

(P) Weather Radar hums
(S) Reprogramed Weather Radar with the lyrics.