Why sentence structure is sooooo important

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used
the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have
to lay you or Jack off.'

'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit...'