George Bush Goes to Hell

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the Devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so the Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and out and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush looked in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Okay, Monica, you're free to go."