Jokes

A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

----

An older married couple was sitting on their porch swing one afternoon. Suddenly, the old woman hauls off and slaps the old man's face nearly knocking him out of the swing.

He said, "What was that for???"

She replied, "For being a lousy lover for 45 years!!"

He sat quietly for a moment and then suddenly slapped the old woman nearly knocking her out of the porch swing.

The old woman said, "What was THAT for?"

The old man replied, "That is for knowing the DIFFERENCE!!"

----

A man and a woman, who have never met before, and are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

cheers Mike