THIS IS FOR MEN WHO ARE TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer? 
None, it should be open when she brings it.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? 
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? 
The dog, he'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? 
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. 
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? 
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: 
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: 
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?", > I said "Dust"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. 
Then God created Man and rested. 
Then God created Woman. 
Since then, no-one has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 
They want to.

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" 
Dad: "That happens in every country, son"

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.