Enough is enough
It's a new year, a new beginning, and I want to tell you right up front , that I have finally made a New year's resolution to not forward/post emails which are not mentally stimulating.
I have had more than enough of pictures of half-naked young girls in disgusting poses. If we don't stop this, everybody will think us seniors all are sex obsessed.
From now on I am forwarding/posting only pictures of old monuments, nature and other cultural sights which are healthy and educational for your mind.
As a start, here is a picture of the bridge "Pont Neuf" in Toulouse , France .
Olden But Golden
To hire herself out as a "handy-woman" a blonde started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied," and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
A MUST TRY RECIPE***
Better then fried turkey, Quick and easy and so delicious!
Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that.
When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out...give this a try.
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds.
When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it's done.
And, you thought I couldn't cook...
Cheers Larry
Love, The Australian Way
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor.
Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!"
Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody well suctioned myself to the floor," she said.
S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get me mate Wayne to help."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up."No way, we can't do it,"
Wayne said, "so let's try Plan B."
"Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"
"I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Wayne.
"Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her Tits."
"Play with her Tits?" Wayne said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper ..."
Denise Richards At The Beach With Charlie - But Not Sheen!
Bad News
First the prostitutes, now the turkeys. The chances of getting a gobble in Suffolk are getting quite remote...
Fascinating
A recent study found that the type of male face that a woman is attracted to can vary considerably depending upon where she is in her menstrual cycle.
It seems that if a woman is ovulating then she is more attracted to a man with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, she is more inclined to be drawn to a man who is doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors embedded deep into his temple and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.
"Take us to your leader"
Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the petrol pumps, and the younger of the two aliens addressed it and its round glass face.
"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The petrol pump (of course) didn't respond. The younger alien started to get mad at the lack of response, and the older one said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, the younger alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire!"
The older alien again warned his comrade, "You don't want to do that. You really don't want to make him mad!"
"Rubbish," replied the younger alien. He aimed his weapon at the petrol pump and fired.
There was a huge petrol explosion.
A massive fireball roared outwards and towards him and blew the younger Alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt and crumpled mess 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Thirty-five Earth minutes later, when he finally regained consciousness, refocused his three eyes, and straightened his bent antenna, he looked dazedly up at the wiser one, who was standing over him, slowly shaking his big green glassy head. "What a ferocious creature," said the young fried one. "It darn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler onto the crispy, peeling flesh of the younger alien, and shared some knowledge.
"If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy," said the wise old alien, "when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't mess with him."
Bird Flu Over?!
Something in the photo suggests it maybe just starting!
Highly Top Secret
This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I cannot vouch for its validity. But if true, it could very well rock the foundation of this country.
SECURITY PHOTO: CONFIDENTIAL
The photo is a video capture from a security camera located in the North Corridor that leads to the Senate floor in the US Capitol Building.
This is classified material, so do not ask how or where I got it. If you do, you could come up missing
Please DO NOT FORWARD this to just anyone. Don't even think about it!!
The repercussions could shake things up more than you can imagine.
A highly respected politician's head is on the line here!
But I feel someone should know the truth, so I picked you.
cheers Larry
Fisherman
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?"
cheers Larry
