St. George Unofficial Bank Holiday

Monday, July 31, 2006

Miss France And Miss Italy

Saturday, July 29, 2006

IE 7

Micrsoft gave up doing IE on the Mac long time back.
"It is recommended that Macintosh users migrate to more recent web browsing technologies such as Apple's Safari."
But it still develops it for the PC and the latest release has its own web page www.ie7.com.

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by the BBCi.

1. It's illegal to fly a national flag without permission from a local council - unless it is flown from a vertical flagpole - meaning thousands of football fans were technically breaking the law during the World Cup by displaying the Cross of St George.

2. When filming summer scenes in winter, actors suck on ice cubes just before the camera rolls - it cools their mouths so their breath doesn't condense in the cold air.

3. 99 ice creams have been so-called since the 1930s, when they were more of an ice cream sandwich than a cone.

4. The Nazis went out of their way to condemn Superman, with Goebbels writing a polemic in April 1940 in Das Schwarze Korps, the SS newspaper.

5. Boutros Boutros Ghali's mobile phone ringtone is Oh My Darling and When the Saints (as listeners to Radio 4's Today programme unexpectedly heard on Wednesday morning).

6. Gordon Brown was presented with a Ferrari pedal car by the Italian finance minister, revealed the register of ministerial gifts. He paid £190 to keep it.

7. Once body temperature reaches 42C, it starts to cook. The heat causes the proteins in each cell to irreversibly change.

8. The average film running time is now two hours.

9. DR Congo boasts not only copper and gold and diamonds but also most of the world's deposits of a mineral called coltan, which is used in mobile phones.

10. Tokyo's subway has women-only carriages to protect female commuters from groping.


Friday, July 28, 2006

Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy


Just in case he needs another one.


Its nice to see the Feline and Canine worlds getting on so well.

Oh Muma!

An education in how to take shots, properly.

And why I wished I was a Girl.

cheers Shumpy

For mrsGoose

she understands :)

Shumpys Joke

There was an old couple driving to Florida. The wife was hard of hearing.  In Georgia they were stopped by a state trooper.

The state trooper went to the man and asked to see his license.
The wife shouted to her husband, WHAT DID HE SAY?
The husband shouted back, HE WANTS TO SEE MY LICENSE.
The wife shouted back, OK
The trooper than asked the man where they were going?
The husband said Florida.
Then the wife shouted, WHAT DID HE SAY?
The husband shouted back, HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE GOING.
The wife shouted back, OK
The trooper taking this all in looked back at the license and said, "I see you're from Brooklyn.  I went to Brooklyn once.  I had the worst sex in my life there."
Then the wife shouted WHAT DID HE SAY?
The husband shouted HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU !!!!!!

Some Fiver Stories Tell Themselves

When Liverpool were paired with Israeli side Maccabi Haifa in the draw for Big Cup's third qualifying round this morning, there were predictable security concerns.

Faced with a trip to a hostile war-zone echoing with gunshots and littered with burnt-out cars, you could understand why Maccabi Haifa's players might have been nervous, but it was the Scousers whose fans started whingeing, this time about Uefa's blatant Israel-centric anti-Liverpool bias.

"Uefa has known this situation was coming," aye-ayed Liverpool International Supporters' Club chairman Les Lawson, strapping five black armbands around his right bicep.

"They should already have said Haifa's home leg has to be played in a neutral country."

Taken from the excellent Fiver fat the Guardian.

Sign up here

Stuff You Couldn't Make Up

Police held over tuck shop thefts
Two police officers have been arrested as part of an investigation into the alleged theft of hundreds of pounds of stock from a police station tuck shop.

The officers, based at Hailsham police station, East Sussex, were suspended after their arrest this week while the inquiry, which began in May, continues.

Another 10 officers and four civilian staff at the police station have been withdrawn from operational duties.

Sussex Police said replacement staff were being brought in to provide cover.

"An inquiry is under way into the operation of a staff refreshment facility," said a spokesman.

"The officers have been arrested, bailed and suspended while the investigation is conducted."

The inquiry into the alleged theft of sweets, crisps and soft drinks is being conducted by the force's Professional Standards Department.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Not Again!!

Badgers at it again. Will he ever stop?

I'm Innocent I Swear

thanks Larry

Shumpys Limerick of the Day

A Flighty young gal named Melissa,
Was careless as hell on the pissa...
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!

The Creamys

Our good friend Creamy recently had the family round.

Stacy Keibler Walls

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tony Blair

"We deeply regret the loss of innocent civilians ......... I don't want the killing to go on. I want the killing to stop now"
- Tony Blair 24 July 2006.

Did he mean Afghanistan? maybe Iraq? No he meant the Lebanon. What a two faced C*NT.

At the last count I heard 33,000 Iraqi civillians had died.

Read his chat in full and weep

Jethro Tull once sang..

Happy and I'm smiling, walk a mile to drink your water.
You know I'd love to love you, and above you there's no other.
We'll go walking out while others shout of war's disaster.
Oh, we won't give in, let's go living in the past.

Once I used to join in every boy and girl was my friend.
Now there's revolution, but they don't know what they're fighting.
Let us close out eyes; outside their lives go on much faster.
Oh, we won't give in, we'll keep living in the past.


Q. What do you call a Homosexual Muslim Extremist who wont wear a condom?

A. A Suicide Bummer!


"The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions."
-Robert Lynd


gambrinous gam bri nes (adjective) : full of beer


MINNEAPOLIS -- They weren't looking for brains -- they were looking to party. But participants in a "zombie dance party" ended up in jail after getting arrested in downtown Minneapolis.

Police said the dancers were wearing thick makeup and staggering along like the living dead Saturday evening. A few carried backpacks with wires sticking out.

The "zombies" were arrested on suspicion of having "simulated weapons of mass destruction." A friend of the group said the suspicious devices were homemade stereos.

The dancers spent the weekend in jail. No charges were filed, but police said members of the group could face lesser charges, such as disorderly conduct.
Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press


"Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it."
-Noam Chomsky

Shumpys Limerick of the Day

There was an old man from Wheeling
Who got drunk and started reeling
He tripped on a crack
and fell on his back
and pissed all over the ceiling.

Jeremy Beagle

Monday, July 24, 2006

After every "victory" you have more enemies.
-Jeanette Winterson
"Marcia Cross made the mistake of getting married the same weekend as Nicole Kidman. Her marriage went straight to video."
- David Spade


Panglossian pan-GLOSS-ee-uhn (adjective)

: Excessively or naively optimistic.

Example: Tony Blair "Our troops should be home from Iraq very soon." = panglossian

Police Crack Down On Streaking At County Fair

JACKSON, Wyo. -- Keeps your pants on!

That's the warning from police in Jackson, Wyo.

Authorities promise to crack down on the streaking that's become a tradition on the last day of the Teton County Fair. Posters at the fair office warn that streaking won't be tolerated this year.

The full-mooners run across the track at the demolition derby which closes the fair. There have been up to 10 streakers in the past.

One prosecutor said "drunk, crazy and naked streaking" isn't something that can be considered a normal, fun thing.

The streakers face up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.
Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press.


War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious.
-General Smedley Butler

Monty Python

Shumpys Limerick of the Day

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
As he said with great glee,
As it hung past his knee,
"If my nose were a c*nt I could f*ck it"

Cool Link

With all the hot weather at the moment, I guess I'm not the only one who has had trouble sleeping. Well here are some inventive ways to help you sleep. I want a 'chillow'

Thanks Michelle

Vaarwel Dennis

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Shumpys Limerick of the Day

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one"
She said, "Pardon my soul,
But you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one."

Dennis Bergkamp - The Dutch Master

Bergkamp set for Arsenal farewell
Dennis Bergkamp will have mixed emotions as he formally retires from football with a testimonial between Arsenal and Ajax on Saturday.

The 54,000 sell-out is the first to be played at the new Emirates Stadium.

"A club like Arsenal deserves such a stadium, and I'm sorry I won't be a part of it," said the 37-year-old.

"But I had a tremendous career at Highbury and it is time to move on. I've had a great time, I really enjoyed myself. I really enjoyed my career."

Bergkamp has been with the Gunners for 11 years having joined from Inter Milan in a £7.5m deal in 1995. Full Story

Dennis Bergkamp's career in football

Arsenal chants of "We've got Dennis Bergkamp" will be a thing of the past once the Dutchman plays his final game on Saturday.

One of English football's greatest imports bows out after 25 years in the game with a testimonial. Full Story and photos

Lee Dixon on Bergkamp
"During my time at Arsenal I was lucky to play alongside fantastic players like Tony Adams, Thierry Henry and Ian Wright. But Dennis Bergkamp topped the lot." Full Story

Rioch pays tribute to Bergkamp
"Paying that money for him was not a risk," Rioch told BBC Sport.

"I've taken bigger risks paying £100,000 for a player at a Second Division club when that was all the money the club had and you had to get it right.

"It was an easy signing - Dennis was blessed with great talent, technique and he fitted perfectly into the way I wanted the team to play." Full Story

The Independent - There's only one Dennis Bergkamp
The Guardian - The end of the beginning as Bergkamp bows out
The Times - All change as Bergkamp bows out
The Mail - Bergkamp broke the mould for foreigners

Thanks for the memories

Arrest after man shot in the face

A 33-year-old man is being questioned by police after a member of staff at a BP petrol station in Surrey was shot in the face.

Police said the shooting happened in Star Lane, in the village of Hooley, near Redhill, on Thursday afternoon.

The victim, who was injured by a man wielding a small black pistol, is being treated at the Queen Victoria Hospital in East Grinstead, West Sussex.

The injury to his left cheek was not life threatening, police said.

Police would like to hear from anyone who witnessed the incident at 1700 BST, or who was in the area at the time.

They have said they would particularly like to speak to the driver of a black 4x4 vehicle seen at the petrol station.

I wonder if he'll be charged with just Health and Safety violations?

Gay and Christian police in row

Two staff associations within the UK's police forces are at the centre of an increasingly bitter dispute.

The row between the Gay Police Association and the Christian Police Association has been simmering for a while.

A newspaper advertisement taken out by the GPA coincided with London's Europride event a fortnight ago.

The ad featured a Bible next to a pool of blood under the heading "in the name of the father", and claimed that religion was the sole or primary motivation behind most of the homophobic incidents logged by the GPA's staff helpline.

A minister, Reverend George Hargreaves, complained about the advert and said its claim was nonsense.

He also called the GPA "Christianphobic", prompting a Met Police investigation into whether the advert constituted a faith crime. BBCi

The transcript of the argument
"Thou shalt not covert thy neighbours dirt box."

"Awww, Pink fluffy feathers to you."

Mother, 12, arrested on night out

A 12-year-old girl who last month became Scotland's youngest mother has been arrested after a night out.
The girl, from West Lothian, who has not been named, was detained on Sunday 16 July following a drunken incident.

Lothian and Borders Police said the girl was arrested for a breach of the peace. A report will be send to the Reporter to the Children's Panel.

The girl became pregnant aged 11 after having sex with a 15-year-old on a night out in Edinburgh last August.

Both the girl and the child have since been put into foster care.

The authorities were called in following reports that the girl smoked up to 20 cigarettes a day and started drinking at the age of 10.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Banned cleric bids to flee Beirut

Controversial Muslim cleric Omar Bakri Mohammed, who was banned from the UK, has attempted to board a ship evacuating Britons from Lebanon.

Mr Bakri Mohammed argued he should be allowed back to see his children but was turned away by British officials.

The former leader of the al-Muhajiroun group was banned from the UK in August last year because his presence "was not conducive to the public good".
More here

I think we should start a Get Mo-Home-ed Fund. All donations are happily received.

Our first donation is on its way,
, thanks Badger

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by the BBCi.
1. British bathrooms usually have two taps instead of one because, historically, British plumbing provides hot and cold water at different pressures, meaning mixer taps are more difficult to fit.

2. A professional pronouncer is called an "orthoepist" - and it can be pronounced three different ways.

3. There are 60 Acacia Avenues in the UK.

4. If left alone, 70% of birthmarks marks gradually fade away.

5. Kenneth Clarke invented road humps.

6. We sleep more deeply when we sleep alone - but when sharing, women sleep more soundly than men.

7. Gritters come out in hot weather too - to spread rock dust, which stops roads melting.

8. The exploits of the SAS parachuting dog mentioned in last week's 10 things were, in fact, a ruse. Rob the collie did little more than cheer up ground staff, according to one of the last surviving officers from his regiment.

9. A morris dancing group is called a side.

10. Jarvis Cocker watches CBeebies and rates Barnaby Bear but not the Fimbles.

More detail at the BBCi

Shumpys Limerick of the Day

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
She smelled like shit,
And was missing a tit.
But think of the money he saved.

"Glad to see the Mother-in-Law is finally doing something about her bad breath"

Health and Safety

With all the extreme weather we are having, theGoose feels it is his duty to provide an instructional video to show the correct method of applying sun cream.


Q. Why did Helen Keller wear her jeans so tight?

A. So people could read her lips.

Poor Old Badger

I know the Mrs has "pulled up the drawbridge" so to speak, and kept Badger 'wanting' for a while, but I didn't realise it was this long since he had seen any action.

Next time you have breakfast, wake up to a Wudy.

Pub Signs With George


Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a hippopotamus?

A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass…and the other one lives somewhere in Africa.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Badgers Cuming To London

It seems as though Badger is heading to London, to make an appearance next month. It will only be a shooting visit mind, just time to shake hands with his best friend and bairly enough time to unload his supplies before he discharges himself from his residence and takes a solo flight back home.

Oh. I nearly forgot the reason for Badgers visit. Never one to shy away from making a donation or two, badger has agreed to Shake hands with Yul Brynner (while trying to make the bald man cry) for charity.

He will be the star of the show but would like to keep it quiet as he doesn't want to open the floodgates to more donations, not that there would be a problem but he favours donating with the "Rosie Palmer and her five daughters" a small but very popular choice that is close to his heart.

thanks Mike

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Creamy, Badger and the Convicts Full Monty audition didn't go well.
Leave fur where it belongs