Saw an article in a women's magazine entitled "All Men Are Liars" - which was strange because it was right next to an advert for Wonderbra.

Recent letter to Walter's Agony Uncle column

Dear Walter

I hope you can help me here, The other day i set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching television as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile when the car engine conked out and shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help, but when I got home I couldn't believe my eyes, he was in the bedroom having sex with a lady neighbour!

I am 32 and my husband is 34, we have been married for 12 years, when I confronted him he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months! I told him to stop seeing her or I'd leave him.

He was made redundant from his job 7 months ago and he says he’s been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become more and more distant to me. I don’t think I can stand much more of this, and cry myself to sleep most nights. Is there anything you can suggest to help please?

Margaret X from Usk



Dear Margaret

A car stalling after being driven such a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. if it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps

Walter

Big Brother 9.

Sixteen f@cking weirdos in a small house in Elstree.

Never a suicide bomber around when you need one.

My ex-girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh.

If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

An Irishman ...

An Irishman, fed up with anti-Irish jokes, starts taking English elocution lessons.

After a few successful weeks he goes to the shops to try it out.

"“I'll have an Observer, a Telegraph and a Times, please Sir", he says to the shop-keeper.

"Are you Irish?" asks the shop-keeper

“"How did you know?" replies the shocked Irishman.

"Well, this is a fish and chip shop, mate."”

US Map Simplified for Rednecks

cheers Larry

Three women:

one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men...that night all three will wear a leather bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend: 'The other night when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and a mask. When he saw me he said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long.

The mistress: 'Ah! Me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say anything.....but we had wild sex all night.'

The married one: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night. I got myself ready- leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband comes home from work, opens the door and says, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

thanks Doug