Joke

Q. What do you call a Welshman with a sheep on each arm?

A. A pimp.

Breaking News

"An Australian man has been arrested in Italy for an assault on a local man following the football match between Australia and Italy.

Witnesses say the Australian man was 20 metres away when the incident happened.

The victim suffered a fractured skull, a cardiac arrest and has developed diabetes as a result of the incident.

He is expected to recover in a few minutes."

the major

June 29

1960: BBC unveils TV 'factory'
The BBC's new Television Centre will be the "Hollywood" of the small screen, the corporation's director of TV has announced.

Gerald Beadle said the £12m complex, which opens today, would be "immensely important" to British prestige and trade.

The first studio production from the building was broadcast at 1935 GMT and featured some of Britain's most well-known entertainers, including Arthur Askey and Eric Robinson.

The west London complex has seven television studios. The largest - Studio 1 - is 11,000 square feet (3,280 square metres) and can be partially converted into a swimming pool.
BBCi

Joke

2 Nuns are driving down the road at night, when all of a sudden a vampire jumps out in front of the car.

The young nun says to mother superior "what should I do?"

"Show him your cross" says mother superior.

So the young nun sticks her head out of the window and shouts "Get the F*** out of the way you little bastard".

Breaking News

Bush is dead

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Images

Goose tips

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

Real Life

cheers Shumpy

Joke

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

cheers Mike

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Image

Quote

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Joke

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians.

After a tour of the reservation they were on, she asked why there was a difference in the number of feathers in their headress.

She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headress. His reply was "me only have one squaw, me only have one feather".

She asked another brave, feeling the first brave was only joking.

This brave had four feathers in his headress. He replied, "ugh...me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws"

Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of mates involved, she decided to interview the chief.

Now the chief had a headress full of feathers which needless to say amused Mrs Walters, she asked the chief, "why do you have so many feathers in your headress?"

The chief proudly pounded his chest and said "me chief, me f*ck-um all. Big, small, tall me f*ck them all".

Horrified, Mrs Walters stated, "You ought to be hung!"

The chief replied "you damn right me hung........like buffalo."

Mrs Walters cried "You don't have to be so hostile."

The chief replied "hoss-style, dog-style,hog-style, wolf-style, any style, me f*ck-um all".

With tears in her eyes Mrs Walters cried "oh dear".

The chief said, "no deer.. me no f*ck deer, asshole too high and f*ckers run too fast, no f*ck deer".

Mrs Walters fainted.

from George!!

Joke

Two  Beggars - One Catholic - One Jew- are  sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the  other one the Star of David.
 
Many people go by and look at both  beggars, But only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the  cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving  money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind  the Star of David.
 
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar  behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?  This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of  Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a  Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a  beggar who has a cross.In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
 
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest,  turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

cheers Mike

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Shumpy nows his onions

Alaska
More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon
The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."

Chicago
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Detroit
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, named so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Damascus, Syria
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Istanbul, Turkey
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents...

Los Angeles
Los Angeles's full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula --and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City
The term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple. There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is manmade.

Pitcairn Island
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km. Also home to a shed load of paedophiles. Nice place.

Rome
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 20 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Sahara Desert
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Spain
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'

St. Paul, Minnesota
St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there.

Roads
Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A.: 1%, in Canada: 75%

Texas
The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 empire state buildings but only 3 inches wide.

United States
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

Waterfalls
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

cheers Shumpy

Signing Off

Tomorrow be theGooses Birthday and I will be having tea and cakes all day. Or maybe some beer and a curry, possibly. I haven't decided yet.

Goed Geluk aan de Nederlanders tegen Argentinië vanavond.

Facts

Funny

If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,

and a jock strap is a lower decker pecker checker,

and a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,

what do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

Blame Shumpy for this one

Joke

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 280. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them"

Cheers Mike

Cartoon

One for Cat lovers.

Shumpy

Cor Blimey

NEW YORK -- New Yorkers are the politest people in the world. Is that a joke?

No way. Residents of the city that's gained a reputation for being rough 'n ready seem to actually have better manners than people in places like London, Toronto and Moscow.

That's according to a poll conducted by Reader's Digest, which sent reporters "undercover" to 36 cities to measure courtesy. Points were awarded for responses, and the results were compared.

Each reporter did three things: walked into buildings behind people to see if they would hold the door open for them; bought small items in stores and recorded whether the sales assistants said "thank you," and dropped a folder full of papers in busy locations to see if anyone would help pick them up.

More than 2,000 people were put to the test.

New Yorkers turned out to be the best bunch: 90 percent held the door open, 19 out of 20 store clerks said "thank you," and 63 percent of men and 47 percent of women helped with the flying papers.

In short, four out of five New Yorkers passed the courtesy test -- topping the list.

So guess which city ranks last in the politeness poll? Mumbai, India.

The rudest cities in general were in Asia, where eight out of nine cities tested finished in the bottom 11. In Europe, Moscow and Bucharest ranked as the least polite.
Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press.

What a load of b*ll*cks, we're very polite in the UK, I can't believe that, I tell you, the next New Yorker I see is going to get a copy of the RD stuffed up his arse. Ill show them who is polite, whi.....

Words

barbellate bor be late (adjective) : hairy; covered with bristles. Like Badger

pleniloquence ple nil o kwens (noun) : excessive talking. Like mrsGoose

Quote

You see things: you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were: and say 'Why not?'
- George Bernard Shaw

Funny

Q. Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?

A. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. Advising the President. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-David Letterman

True

Solstice is derived from Latin solstitium (from sol: "sun" and sistere: "stand still").

The summer solstice is the day of the year with the longest daylight period and hence the shortest night.

The day of the winter solstice is the shortest day and the longest night of the year.

Joke

Paints were very precious in the good old days, and British merchants could make a small fortune supplying paints to the colonies.

One company sent a clipper ship full of red paint across the ocean. It had the very bad luck to collide with another ship full of blue paint.

As a result of this disaster, both crews were marooned.

cheers Mike (possibly via George)

Education

The World by Dicks.









sent in by Big Willy

Images

Joke

I recently bought a horse. He doesn't seem to mix with the other horses I have though. I think he's a shire horse.

sent in by Convict

Joke

I did some painting this morning so I got out my step ladder as I dont really get on with my real ladder.

Quote

"Mine is the first generation able to contemplate the possibility that we may live our entire lives without going to war or sending our children to war."
-Tony Blair

Piper Perabo loves drinking lager and watching football with English men.

The 'Coyote Ugly' star, claims she developed a liking for British pub culture while filming a movie in Luxembourg.

She said: "I already had a liking for English beer and then I shot a film in Luxembourg a couple of years ago and the only bar where anybody spoke English in Luxembourg city was on Wednesday nights when they showed Manchester United soccer games, so you would be drinking English beer with a lot of English guys." [Another 'local' UTD supporter]

Images of Piper Perabo here.

George calling

A one-wood golf club walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer but the bartender refuses to serve him.

"Why not," asks the club.

"Because," he says, "you're the designated driver."

Joke

This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the loch?" He continues, "Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."

"But ye screw ONE sheep...."

19 June

1756 - 146 English people imprisoned in Black Hole of Calcutta [Badger went out with her]

1812 - US declares war on England

1862 - Slavery outlawed in US territories

1917 - After WW I King George V ordered members of British royal family to dispense with German titles & surnames They took the name Windsor

1961 - Kuwait gains independence from Britain

Joke

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options.

One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die”.

The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip home to the suburbs, they passed a bar.

The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning, The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, “You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead.

cheers Shumpy

Joke

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that read as follows

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by BBCi.

1. Dogs with hair lips can end up with two noses.

2. Gabardine is a rival to modern, synthetic mountaineering clothes - being lighter, hardwearing and water-resistant.

3. Nearly five times as many people commit suicide in Japan as die in traffic accidents. In the UK, adult deaths by suicide outstrip all road traffic deaths by about 60%.

4. Children inherit a taste for meat and fish but acquire a liking, or loathing, for vegetables.

5. Private individuals can buy up parts of the Moon thanks to a loophole in the 1967 United Nations Outer Space Treaty that simply forbade any government from claiming a celestial resource such as the Moon.

6. Parents of toddlers spend an average of £406 a year on their child's clothing.

7. John Cleese flies from his home in Los Angeles to London to visit his dentist.

8. Clitoris derives its name from the ancient Greek word kleitoris, meaning "little hill".

9. A domestic cat can frighten a black bear to climb a tree.

10. Wrinkles can determine whether a smoker is more likely to develop lung disease - those with wrinkles have a five times higher risk of disease than those with smooth skin.

More details at the BBCi

Images

Funny

Convicts tale about Grass Snakes.

Joke

Check out badgers Joke of the Day.

Cool

Helpfully Insolent Father's Day Suggestions from Avery Ant.

Wallpapers

Here are some simple Desktop Wallpapers if you like them. 1600x1200 pixels.

Video *****

Sarah Michelle Gellar on Saturday Night Live doing Christina's Dirty.


Rapidshare
Mega Upload

Euro Love

The Italian says
"When I have a-finished makina love with my girl-a-friend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floatsa 6 inches abova da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies
"Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick ze soles of her feet with mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".

The Irishman pops up
"Dat's nottin'. When Oi've finished sh*ggin' me bord, I get out of da bed, walk over to d'window and wipe me knob on da curtain. She hits da f*ckin' roof.

Breaking News

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney.

The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

Joke

A Jelly Bean walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.

After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that newclub, fancy tagging along?"

The Jelly Bean says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, Ialways end up getting my head kicked in.

"So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."

Jelly Bean thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.

After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.

As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

The Lockets take one look at JellyBean and start kicking the jelly sh*t out of him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with chairs, and generally having a laugh.

After a while they get bored and walk out.

Jelly Bean pulls his battered Jelly Bean body over to the table and wipes his Jelly Bean blood up and turns to Smartie and says "Ithought you were going to look after me."

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f**king menthol".

Funny

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.

The female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

cheers Mike

Wisdom

Intolerance is itself a form of violence and an obstacle to the growth of a true democratic spirit.
-Mohandas Gandhi

I say..

"I am not sure if President Bush fully grasps the economic issue. Like he was asked today if he has any plans to make the dollar stronger? And he said we were thinking of making it two-ply."
-Jay Leno

15 June 2006

1215 - King John signs Magna Carta at Runnymede England

1664 - New Jersey established

1836 - Arkansas becomes 25th state

1844 - Goodyear patents vulcanization of rubber [Luckily James T Kirk got it back]

1940 - France surrenders to Hitler

1977 - Spain's 1st free elections since 1936

Bizarre

Football loving Badgers???

Bizarre

At a recent Badger Picnic a Badger was heard to exclaim, "I want a powerfully pure, truly effective, safe and pleasant SPF to rub from the tip of my nose to the base of my toes!"

He then leaped back into the dark, cool Badger mines, never to reemerge - until now. We have honored this brave request. Badger proudly presents the most extraordinary sunblock we've ever seen.

Reality

Approximately 3 billion people live in poverty world wide.

Everyday approximately 40,000 succumb to starvation related disease.

Malaria threatens the lives of more than 2.2 billion people in over 100 countries, about 40 percent of the world's population. Each year, an estimated 300 million to 500 million clinical cases of malaria are recorded.

George calling

Q: What did the rope say after it got tangled?
A: Oh, no, knot again.

Q: Whats Jackie Chan's favorite drink?
A: Wattaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Quotes

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-Dave Barry

Political Parties Defined

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You give milk from one to the poor.
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all very healthy, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

cheers Larry

Investment tips for 2006..

.. for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2006.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: Zip Audi DoDa.

5.) FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6.) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8.) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally

9.) Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

cheers Shumpy

Joke [this one is older than badger]

An English family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.

While in the sports shop the son picks up a Scotland football shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided to be a Scotland Supporter and I would like this for my birthday."

His sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to our mother."

So off goes the little lad with the Blue Football shirt in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Scotland supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday".

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father."

Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Scotland supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday."

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says: "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes dad I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Scotland supporter for an hour and already I hate you English B*****ds."

thanks Major C

The Beer's Prayer

Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the Pub.
Give us this day, our foamy head,
And forgive us for our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill on us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager.
For ever and ever
BARMEN.

cheers Shumpy

And finally...

In an interview about his failed marriage, Paul Mcartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

He said 'I'd prefer it if you called her Heather

cheers Greg

The Spitfire Ads that didn't make it.

thanks Major C

cheers Greg