Blogger Status

Tuesday, August 29, 2006
One of our database servers has been malfunctioning this morning. We are working on diagnosing the problem.

Update: this issue has been resolved now.
Posted by Pal at 09:40 PDT

Sunday, August 27, 2006
Some more of those "no space left on device" errors are popping up this morning. We're working on getting them all cleared up right now.
Posted by Graham at 09:18 PDT

Friday, August 25, 2006
Blogger users are experiencing slowness and occasional timeouts. We are working on diagnosing and fixing the problem.

Update: this problem has been fixed.
Posted by Pal at 08:43 PDT

Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Some users are seeing a “001 java.io.IOException: No space left on device” error message when publishing to Blog*Spot. We’re on it.

Update, 1PM: This has been fixed.
Posted by Pete at 09:23 PDT

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by BBCi.

1. Trap-jaw ants have been recorded closing their jaws at 66 mph, the fastest known speed for an animal moving its body parts.

2. Caprice's surname is Bourret.

3. There is only one cheddar cheese maker in Cheddar, even though cheddar is the most popular hard cheese in the English-speaking world.

4. Cartoon cat Tom smoked roll-ups. But a scene showing him rolling his own cigarette, only using one hand, is to be cut from screenings on children's television.

5. For every 10 successful attempts to climb Mount Everest there is one fatality, says a report from a medical journal.

6. Cows can have regional accents, says a professor of phonetics, after studying cattle in Somerset

7. Cups of tea can be healthier than water, according to some nutritionists.

8. Despite the iPod's success, Apple has had to pay Creative for use of its patented technology.

9. There are 300,000 people aged 90 or over in the UK.

10. A million guitars were sold in the UK last year, more than double the number sold five years ago.
BBCi

"...Violence as a way of gaining power...is being camouflaged under the guise of tradition, national honor [and] national security..."
-Alfred Adler

Jokes

A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

----

An older married couple was sitting on their porch swing one afternoon. Suddenly, the old woman hauls off and slaps the old man's face nearly knocking him out of the swing.

He said, "What was that for???"

She replied, "For being a lousy lover for 45 years!!"

He sat quietly for a moment and then suddenly slapped the old woman nearly knocking her out of the porch swing.

The old woman said, "What was THAT for?"

The old man replied, "That is for knowing the DIFFERENCE!!"

----

A man and a woman, who have never met before, and are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

cheers Mike

No Conkers!!

Britain's horse chestnut trees, providers of conkers for generations of schoolboys, are dying in their thousands in the worst case of tree blight since Dutch [bastards] elm disease 30 years ago.

The horse chestnuts, which often stand in majestic rows in city streets, are being hit by a "triple whammy" of drought, pest attack and disease. On many, the leaves have already withered and shrunk, and conkers, the fruits of the tree, are not being produced at all.

Stands of horse chestnuts in the streets around the Royal Botanic Gardens in Kew, west London have no conkers this year. This time last year they had a carpet of conkers underneath them - as they have had for decades. For many boys, looking forward to the age-old game, 2006 will be the Autumn Of No Conkers - but the situation is far more serious than that.

The trees are being severely hit in many parts of Britain and according to the Forestry Commission between 40,000 and 50,000 of them may already be affected - about 10 per cent of all the horse chestnuts in Britain - and that figure may be even higher.
More

Soak the trees in vinegar, it makes them hard ;)

Words

pseudepigraphous soo de pig re fes (adjective) : signed with a phony name

Pluto loses status as a planet

Astronomers meeting in the Czech capital have voted to strip Pluto of its status as a planet.

About 2,500 experts were in Prague for the International Astronomical Union's (IAU) general assembly.

The scientists rejected a proposal that would have retained Pluto as a planet and brought three other objects into the cosmic club.

Pluto has been considered a planet since its discovery in 1930 by the American Clyde Tombaugh.

The ninth planet will now effectively be airbrushed out of school and university textbooks.
More here

".. a prawn Goebles, a Herman Goering and two Colditz salads"

BOMBAY, India -- When a restaurant called "Hitler's Cross" opened recently in India, the local Jewish community was outraged, but it didn't seem to bother too many others.

The restaurant opened four days ago in suburban Bombay.

The owner insists the name and theme of his new place, with its posters of Adolf Hitler and swastikas, is only meant to attract attention.

He said, "There is no intention to hurt anyone."

Holocaust awareness in India is limited. Hitler is regarded by many there as just another historical figure.

The swastika, reviled in many parts of the world, is also an ancient Hindu symbol and displayed all over India to bring luck.

But a local Jewish community leader said, "It's really made people very upset that a person responsible for the massacre of 6 million Jews can be glorified."

There are just 5,500 Jews in India, and all but 1,000 live in Bombay. An Israeli official in the city said there are plans to ask the local government to force a name change of the restaurant.
Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press.

Big Jugs..

.. No, just a Big Disappointment

Top Link

Check out the Alpine Fools Web Fun

How do you solve a problem like Maria Creamy

Thats Life

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then I caught her spending £65.00 on make-up. And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back

Nutrition

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Satans Temptations

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.

And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said "Yes!"

And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.

And Woman went from size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green salad".

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.

And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.

And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.

And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And super size 'em".

And Satan said "It is good."

And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed . and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then . Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

Sara Pipalini

Three nuns die and go to heaven. At the Gate, they are met by St. Peter.

He says, Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, I want to be Sophia Loren and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, I want to be Sara Pipalini.

St. Peter looks perplexed. Who?

Sara Pipalini,replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell.

The nun then shows him a newspaper cutting.

He reads the paper and starts laughing. No sister. This is the Sahara Pipeline that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.

chees Greg

The Fire Engine

A Fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl from next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a Dog and a cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look, 'that's a lovely Fire engine,' he says admiringly.

'Thanks,' says the little girl.

The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.

'Little colleague,' says the fire fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says ..."You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f**king siren,would I?"

In The News

This week we are indebted to a member of Dr. Reid's Home Office staff
" We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain; But we haven't a clue where thousands of illegal immigrants, let alone terrorists are located, Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration ....."

Joke

A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination.

She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room.

He instructs her to get up onto the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

As he is examining her she hears him saying "mmmm... mmmhmmm".

He completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him in his office when she is done.

In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his non-verbal comments.

"Oh, that" he says." I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice."

The young woman proudly smiled and replied, "Why thank you! I have a woman come in twice a week and clean it!"

Simple Wallpapers

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by BBCi.

1. Only children are the least likely to be able to make other people laugh, say psychologists. Only 11% of children without siblings have this talent.

2. Newspapers in the UK have given away 54 million DVDs this year, about the same number as have been sold by retailers.

3. The original film footage of the first Apollo XI moon landing has been lost.

4. There are 32,000 workers living on-site at the production centre in China where iPods are manufactured.

5. Televisions with plasma screens can consume four times as much electricity as cathode ray tube televisions.

6. Involuntary bad language, a symptom affecting about one in 10 people with Tourette's syndrome, is called "coprolalia".

7. There's an A-level in critical thinking - Theo Walcott's girlfriend, Melanie Slade, passed it.

8. The town of Barga in Tuscany claims to be "the most Scottish in Italy" - and this week held its annual Scottish festival.

9. There are two million cars and trucks in Brazil which run on alcohol.

10. Watching television can act as a natural painkiller for children, say researchers from the University of Siena.
BBCi

Its back baby :)

Arsenal v Aston Villa

Emirates Stadium
Saturday, 19 August
Kick-off: 1500 BST

Theirry Henry, Jens Lehmann and Freddie Ljungberg will all figure for Arsenal, but want-away defender Ashley Cole will not, despite making himself available. Unsettled winger Jose Antonio Reyes also misses out with a groin problem [Arsene kicked him in the nuts], as does summer recruit Tomas Rosicky.

Martin O'Neill goes into his first game as Aston Villa manager without three key men - defenders Wilfred Bouma and Gary Cahill and striker Milan Baros. Steven Davis travels, but faces a late fitness test on a thigh injury.

Arsenal (from): Lehmann, Flamini, Eboue, Toure, Djourou, Fabregas, Gilberto, Van Persie, Adebayor, Henry, Almunia, Hoyte, Hleb, Aliadiere, Cygan, Traore, Song, Ljungberg.

Aston Villa (from): Sorensen, Taylor, Barry, de la Cruz, Delaney, Hughes, Laursen, Mellberg, Ridgwell, Samuel, Berger, Davis, Hendrie, McCann, Whittingham, Angel, Moore, Phillips, Agbonlahor.

W*nker of the Week

“I have made myself available for selection this weekend and it is now up to the manager whether he decides to play me.”
Ashley Cole

Who does this tosser think he is, "I made myself available.." ??? He gets upwards of £50,000 a week from Arsenal, I reckon they will be the ones saying who is available or not.

"Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?"
- Baldrick

Sign up against the anti-speed bike

Motor Cycle News [MCN] is calling on the government this week to scrap its plans for bikes that take control away from the rider in order to make breaking speed limits impossible.

And we're calling on readers to get behind our campaign to abandon the fundamentally flawed idea after we rode a bike fitted with the technology last week and found it to be frightening, dangerous and a potential killer.

Article and Petition

When Tom's wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and Tom on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day.

She yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do!"
 
"Wow," Tom thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this!"

Some Victory, Some Peace

Iran and Syria applaud 'victory'
Syria and Iran have praised Hezbollah for what both describe as the group's defeat of Israel in Lebanon.

"God's promises have come true..... On one side, it's corrupt powers.... with modern bombs and planes. And on the other side is a group of pious youth relying on God."
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - Iranian president

Syrian leader Bashar al-Assad hailed the "glorious battle". Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Hezbollah had thwarted US plans to dominate the Middle East. Read on

10,000 bags lost at airports

Around 10,000 bags have gone missing at airports since the UK security alert began, British Airways has said. Read the story

Sounds like I should take mrsGoose up to Gatwick, hopefully it'll be 10,001 lost bags.

50 Coolest Websites

Time Magazine has compiled its list of the 50 Coolest Websites for 2006.

My favourite is this one, Jackson Pollock by Miltos Manetas.

Because Life Is Too Short

cheers Greg

Smart Disguise

cheers Greg

Happy thoughts

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"
cheers Larry

BEIRUT, LEBANON - Three-year-old Doua Nabou sleeps on a street corner while waiting for her family to decide where to evacuate to along with hundreds of other residents of Beirut’s southern neighborhoods who are evacuating in anticipation of Israeli airstrikes August 10, 2006 in Beirut, Lebanon. After leaflets warning residents to evacuate were dropped by Israeli aircraft Thursday, thousands of people have left the southern districts. At least 41 people were killed with as many as 61 people injured on Monday during an Israeli air strike on a Beirut suburb.
(Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

August 14th

1969: British troops sent into Northern Ireland
The British Government has sent troops into Northern Ireland in what it says is a "limited operation" to restore law and order.

It follows three days and two nights of violence in the mainly-Catholic Bogside area of Londonderry. Trouble has also erupted in Belfast and other towns across Northern Ireland.

It also comes after a speech by the Prime Minister of the Irish Republic, Jack Lynch, regarded by many as "outrageous interference" in which he called for a United Nations peacekeeping force to be sent to the province.

The army's warm welcome was short-lived, as was the British Government's intention to pull out the troops within days.
More here

Funny

How to deal with annoying sales calls.

No1 - BT

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan".

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Joke

A dog walks into homebase and says to the manager "excuse me sir, are you looking to employ any staff".

The manager in disbeleif replies "no, but you should definitely try the circus"

the dogs replies "what the fuck do the circus want with a kitchen fitter?

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by BBCi.

1. The giant gong at the start of J Arthur Rank films was made of papier mache, a fact that the gong-striker, Kenneth Richmond, who has died at 80, let slip to close friends.

2. Disposable nappies cost £67m in landfill use per year - a sum that the Local Government Association says nappy makers should help cover.

3. Water leaks waste the equivalent of 200 litres of water a day per household.

4. One in two women owns more than 30 pairs of shoes - with 8% having more than 100 pairs in their wardrobes.

5. Cantaloupe melons are a common source of food poisoning, in North America at least, and have killed at least two people. The rough skin is hard to clean and harbours bacteria which can infect the flesh when cut open.

6. Wayne Rooney loves Oliver the musical and his favourite song is Boy for Sale.

7. Almost a third of Americans (30%) can't remember what year 9/11 was.

8. The average commuter spends 139 hours a year travelling to and from work.

9. Allotment plots come in the standard measure of 10 poles - a pole is the length of the back of the plough to the nose of the ox.

10. Barbie has five sisters, called Skipper, Tutti, Stacie, Kelly and Krissy.

BBCi

Joke

Q. What's a man's ultimate embarrassment?
A. Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

cheers Shumpy

Quote

"Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."
-Lou Holtz

Performance Appraisals

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS = Able to bullshit

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS = Spends lots of time on phone

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE = Not too bright

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED = Made no major blunders yet

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY = Too ugly to get a date

ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Drinks a lot

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Spouse drinks, too

INDEPENDENT WORKER = Nobody knows what he/she does

QUICK THINKING = Offers plausible excuses

CAREFUL THINKER = Won't make a decision

AGGRESSIVE = Obnoxious

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS = Gets someone else to do it

EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL = Speaks English

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL = A nit picker

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES = Is tall or has a loud voice

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT = Lucky

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR = Knows a lot of dirty jokes

CAREER MINDED = Back Stabber

LOYAL = Can't get a job anywhere else

cheers Shumpy

Cancelled

Until further notice BA has halted all flights from the UK.

BA announced "I ain't getting on no plane fool"

cheers Greg

'Air plot' suspects: Names released

The assets of 19 people held on suspicion of plotting to blow up passenger planes have been frozen. Their details appeared on the Bank of England's website.

Having your "assets frozen" is no fun. Badger had his assets frozen by mrsBadger many years ago, hence the rapid descent into "Dancing with the one-eyed sailor."

Department of Homeland Security - "Threat Critical"

The US Department of Homeland Security has urged Windows users to install the latest patches from Microsoft as quickly as possible.

In particular it warned about one bug fixed in the latest batch of security updates that, if exploited, could put a PC under the control of an attacker.

Microsoft's recent update fixed 23 flaws found in Windows software.

Many of these bugs are known to malicious hackers and some are already actively exploited on the net.
BBCi

Coincidence?

Anyone notice how, the minute Blair flies out of the country on holiday we ban all flights back in? Coincidence or a subtle message?

Where Is Blair?

The Prime Ministers Office, today.

Inbreds

Deep down we all knew it, now it's official. Norwich is full of inbreeding banjo players.


A Labour MP has said inbreeding may be partly to blame for a rise in diabetes cases in his constituency in Norwich.

Inter-family relationships could have led to a sharing of a gene linked to the condition, former science lecturer Dr Ian Gibson told BBC Radio Norfolk.

"There may be some degree of familiarity, family relationships, in terms of brothers and other families with the same name and so on," he said.


But a consultant at a local hospital said the remarks were "disgraceful", "We done mar'in sisters long time ago ye all. Betsy Loo be my cousin, not my sis. Anyways, Sis married Pa back in spring"

Dr Gibson argued that "people, with the word inbreed, think that Norwich is closed off, it doesn't interact with the world.

"That's wrong, and everybody knows that that's nonsense."

However, inbreeding "does happen everywhere", he maintained.
BBCi

Women, Can't Live With Them, Can't Kill 'Em

One in 10 women spend more than £1,000 a year on shoes while 8% own more than 100 pairs each, according to a new survey. What is it with women and shoes?

For many females, Sex and the City's Carrie Bradshaw summed it up perfectly when she was mugged in an episode of the series.

"Please sir, you can take my Fendi Baguette, you can take my ring and my watch, but don't take my Manolo Blahniks," she begged. The heartless thief took them anyway.

Most women would agree the former first lady of the Philippines, Imelda Marcos, had the right idea when it came to footwear, her only shoe crime was leaving her 1,220 pairs at the presidential palace when she fled the country in 1986 during the people power revolution. Walk this way for more

England Is Shut But Barbados Is Open

Seems like every day brings some new disaster. Today is the terrorism threat. 21 arrests, no shootings as of yet, obviously no guns involved this time.

Heathrow is shut to incoming traffic, this came from the Home Office, who can't even stop illeagal immigrants coming in.

According to MI5's website, critical threat level - the highest - means "an attack is expected imminently and indicates an extremely high level of threat to the UK".

Sources close to theGoose have confirmed that this threat and the raising of the "Threat Level" to "Critical" ["you've never looked good in a suit, those shoes don't go...etc.] was going to happen yesterday but it was vetoed by The Right Dishonourable Tony Bliar, as he was starting his holiday and needed to catch a flight to the Caribbean.

Woah, I'm going to Barbados
Woah, back to the palm trees
Woah, I'm going to see my Cherie
Woah, in the sunny Carribean sea
Tony Blair [possibly]

Yes, our glorious leader is sitting on some beach wondering how he ever got into such a tight spot "How did this happen, and on my holidays also. At least 'Two Jags Prezza' is at the 'wheel' as we needs a calm, level headed, not one to steam in, arms flailing kind of guy in charge."

This morning 21 'suspects' were arrested. Crime gangs used to come in single figures, "The Guildford Four" [wrongly convicted], "The Birmingham Six" [convictions overturned], "The Maguire Seven" [wrongly convicted] etc. [there's a theme starting here]. No, now we have the London 21. Mind, this opens up all sorts of possibilities for mass miscarriages of justice convictions.

Arrested in Birmingham - The Cadbury 99
Arrested in Barbers - The Haircut 100
Arrested in The Lost Film Set - The Hawaii 50
Arrested Getting Kicks - The Route 66


Arrested at a party - 99 Red Balloons
Arrested in the UK - Development
cheers Convict

Arrested At The Embassy - The Twenty No6
Arrested in the Pub - The Kronenburg 1664

One positive thing to come out of this, I may have come up with a valid solution to the Bermuda Triangle and all the boats and planes that disappeared..

Top 10 obscure sports in the world

Check out The Bertie Bowls 'Top 10 obscure sports in the world'

No10 isn't just confined to Scotland, mrsBadger syas Badger often pops the the garden shed to 'Toss the Caber.'

10 Ways To P*ss Off Your Woman

Do you need relationship counseling?

Are the sparks of your relationship slowly becoming dying embers?

My relationship advice to you is try pissing off your mate. Yup, I mean it!

I was in a bitter and nasty mood this week. Everyone I knew was getting on my nerves and I just wanted to hurt them.

But my "better half" was in a cheery and chirpy mood. Too darn happy, in my opinion.

10 Ways to REALLY Piss Off Your Woman

Thanks Michelle

"I don't think the idea is actually for British ground forces to be in there."
- Tony Blair talking about Israel and Lebanon (after G W B told him)

The Full Monty

England's Monty Panesar has joined our selection of cricket masks for you to download.

The spinner joins Matthew Hoggard and Kevin Pietersen, as well as a host of cricket superstars from across the globe.

All you need to do is click on your favourite player, print out the mask (we recommend a colour printout) and let the fun begin.

Download here

New Road Signs

cheers Greg

Funny and Safe

Which one would you chose?

Jokes

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

--

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

--

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."

--

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumour.

--

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you've succeeded.

--

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'.

She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.

--

He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?'.

She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard'.

--

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

--

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

--

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?

A: They can't stand criticism.

--

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

--

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

cheers George [??]

The Button

Darren Osbourne Jenson Button celebrates his first F1 win with Dad John.
He did have some secret help mind.

Thick 'n Thin Special

At the age of 32, she has the waist measurement of a seven-year-old child.

And until now Victoria Beckham's frame seemed to be getting thinner by the day.

But after stern words - and strict instructions - from her husband David, the former Spice Girl is on a mission to 'be fick like me Vic'.

read more of this 'who gives a shit' stuff here

Words

shilpit shil' pit (adjective) : feeble, puny, worthless, insipid

August 5th

1962: Marilyn Monroe found dead
Screen icon Marilyn Monroe has been found dead in bed at her Los Angeles home.

The 36-year-old actress' body was discovered in the early hours of this morning by two doctors who were called to her Brentwood home by a concerned housekeeper.

The doctors were forced to break into Miss Monroe's bedroom after being unable to open the door. She was found lying naked in her bed with an empty bottle of Nembutal sleeping pills by her side.

The local coroner, who visited the scene later, said the circumstances of Miss Monroe's death indicated a "possible suicide".
more

Rooney & Scholes off in friendly

Wayne Rooney and Paul Scholes were sent off during Manchester United's 3-1 friendly win over FC Porto on Friday.

Both had scored before Rooney was shown a red card in the 42nd minute for allegedly elbowing Pepe.

Scholes was dismissed for a second booking on 68 minutes but United added a third through Ole Gunnar Solksjaer before Porto scored a late consolation.
more

10 Things....

Snippets harvested from the week's news, chopped, sliced and diced for your weekend convenience by BBCi.

1. Thirty percent of people with digital cameras never print their pictures.

2. Shoe injuries are on the rise - half a dozen women are admitted to University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff during weekend evenings suffering from them.

3. There are only four members of the Shaker religious sect left in the world.

4. The new chief executive of Ben and Jerry's is called Walt Freese.

5. California was the 12th largest source of greenhouse gasses last year - 41% of which is down to transport (as opposed to 28% in the UK).

6. British motorists are the most uptight in Europe, with 87% sometimes very annoyed by other drivers.

7. Almost all the leatherback turtles found dead in UK waters have died from ingesting discarded plastic bags, which they mistake for jellyfish, one of their main food sources.

8. Lord Tebbit is a "huge fan" of Deal or No Deal.

9. It's illegal to make confetti out of euro bank notes.

10. The oleander (Nerium oleander) plant is perhaps the most lethal plant in the British Isles today - one small portion of leaf could knock you out.

In more detail

Holidays In The Sun

theGoose is man enough to know when he is wrong and as a man would do, he will stand up and be counted.

With this in mind, theGoose feels it is his duty to apologise to the Right Honourable Tony Blair for any injustice theGoose may have laid at his 'doorstep.'

Tony Blair is a man, a man of quite sublime morale and of true heart and this exemplified in his sacrifice of two days of his annual holiday to "sort out" the "middle east".

It takes a great man to sacrifice time from his family, to put yourself in the front line so to speak.

Holidays, times of joy and happiness. I have to wonder if Churchill had one? After all, we are told on one hand we are at war and on the other, just "helping democracy".

The brave men and women of our "armed [providing the budget was approved] forces' don't get three weeks holiday and I fail to see that the man [??] that put them in harms way should be able to'f*ck off' on holiday.

Are we at war with terror or is that now finished? How can we condemn Israel for entering a country in pursuit of 'terrorists' when we invaded Afghanistan and the Iraq on the same premise?

The rights and wrongs will go on forever over the Israel, Lebanon and Palestine situation but where do we draw the line? Do as I say but not as I do?

I hate war and I hate violence, do I hate or not respect our armed forces? No I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses to put life on the line in the pursuit of peace, but it isn't about supporting our brave soldiers, that gets us nowhere and is what the politicians want, blind the truth with patriotism.

Balance one conflict with another. Israel has 'slaughtered' hundreds of innocent Lebanese civillinas and is chasticed, to date 30,000 innocent Iraqi civillians have died and yet we feel able to suggest that Israel is some war monger.

You may think that I am pro Israeli but I am not. I believe that most of the people affected by these conflicts don't have a better idea than I do about the real issues or any possible solution but there must be one.

Back to Tony Blair, and I was lucky/unlucky enough to live through Maggie Thatchers Britain. At the time it seemed pretty bad and Labour seemed the only way out. History tells a different story, the truth and honesty that was promised never turned up, just ask Dr David Kelly, sorry you can't, he was found dead in a field.

True, Blair hasn't stopped school milk, but he hasn't stood up to the American President either. He is and has made us a puppet to George W Bush and his visions of a Middle East.

The European Union, which we are part of and aren't allowed a vote on wether to go further in or not want us to send a unified European message that we want the violence to stop. Trouble is, Tony is so far up George Ws ass that he can't join in with the rest of the union. The splinters are flying.

Are we in the European Union or are we the 52nd state? [Peurto Rico being 51].

Anyway, have a blinding holiday Tone, I am sure old Two Jags will make no less of a f*ck up than you could.

Fixed?

Blogger Status

Friday, August 04, 2006
We are having problems with one of the Blogger databases. Posts and commments to blogs that are stored on that database are failing. We are working on getting the database back up. Thanks for your patience.

Update (8:45a): this has been fixed.

NSFW slightly but Very Funny

You Tube don't like it but you can always download it here :)

Go Rolf

Quote

Since the general civilization of mankind, I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people, by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power, than by violent and sudden usurpations.
-James Madison

The Haves and The Rest Of Us

Tori Spelling will reportedly get less than $1 million from the $300 million to $500 million estate of her late father, TV mogul Aaron Spelling.

A source close to the star told People magazine Aaron left his daughter a cash sum as well as some stocks that were in total "less than $1 million."

It remains to be seen whether Tori, 33, will contest the will and its executor, her estranged mother, Candy, 60.

Tori and her mother have been exchanging angry words in the media since Aaron died last month.

The source also told People Tori was disheartened by the relative pittance because, in spite of her feud with her mother, she was always close to her father.

Pittance? I wouldn't mind 'less than' $1 million, I wouldn't mind 'less than' $1000 at the moment.

We must rethink the War on Terror - Blair

Five years into the War on Terror, Tony Blair called yesterday for a “complete renaissance of our strategy” to defeat militant Islam. More

Here's a wild idea Tone, how about we tell the truth from now on?

Or send Cherie to Afghanistan, that would have any bloke running for the hills.

Words

ensorcell en-SOR-suhl verb tr: To bewitch; to enchant.

She ensorcelled me with her large breasts.

August 2nd

1990: Iraq invades Kuwait
More than 100,000 Iraqi soldiers backed up by 700 tanks invaded the Gulf state of Kuwait in the early hours of this morning.

Iraqi forces have established a provisional government and their leader Saddam Hussein has threatened to turn Kuwait city into a "graveyard" if any other country dares to challenge the "take-over by force".

Iraqi jets have bombed targets in the capital and special forces have landed at the defence ministry and at the Emir's palace. Road blocks are in place and there are reports of looting in the city's shops.

Initial reports suggest up to 200 people have been killed in heavy gunfire around the city.
More